I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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