i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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