Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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