i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
