I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
