I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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