my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
