that's an acceptable place to lick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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