he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
