I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
