Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
