If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize