Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
