i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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