I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
