After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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