It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
