Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
