I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
