I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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