It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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