She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The uberlube is also flammable
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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