i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
