i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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