Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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