We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
