I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
