Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
