She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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