he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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