I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I still have a little drunk in my system
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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