It's just like the Real World with babies
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
