I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
