After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
