when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
