she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
not ubering you a puppy
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