this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
