im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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