Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just google imaged poop.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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