I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
