Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
