TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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