But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
