Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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