WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize