I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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