Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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