i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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