Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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