Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
