Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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