So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
