All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
