shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
