the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
