Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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