She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
