HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the raccoons are back...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
