woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
