I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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