I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
