Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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