Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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