Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
